I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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