She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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