bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
