Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
