Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
