In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
