I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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