saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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