I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
