My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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