You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
