Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
