My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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