Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
