that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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