remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
