Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
