I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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