It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's on the porch naked. Help.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
