Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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