Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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