I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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