we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
