Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
