I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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