Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
