There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
