nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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