no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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