Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
