Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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