Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
