I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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