i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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