Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
