Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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