New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
