I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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