I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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