The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
