I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
