I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
