sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
