In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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