He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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