Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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