Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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