$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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