I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
