If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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