Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
