he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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