you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
