Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize