found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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