NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
