Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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