i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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