I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
