i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
