Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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