i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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