Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
