First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
