mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
