I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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