So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
