so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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