you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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