no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize