i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
