but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
