did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
