8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
