why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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