Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
