I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
worst night to have a conscience
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
