I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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