we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
