Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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