Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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