I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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