ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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